Weeping & Joy...

WOW...what an ending to this day....

Another goodbye. Another military funeral. Another day of Love Dare.

This summer has been a summer of goodbyes, in so many different aspects. Goodbye to loved ones, goodbye to dear friends, goodbyes in hopes of seeing you again. I hate the empty feeling when 7 days of pure bliss have to come to an end, even if only for 24 hours and then I see his face again. I hate the emptiness of watching a woman say goodbye to her loving, devoted husband and his grown children saying goodbye to their father; I was there not long ago. I hate the emptiness of goodbye, period. Here is goodbye to the goodbyes, please Lord make this stop.

Today I sat holding the hand of a man I have completely fallen in love with and attempting to be strong as he paid respects to the loss of a dear friends father. This man has been my rock for the last 3 months, someone who has been there for me through nightmares, sleepless nights, crying, laughing, and down more roller coasters than any couple 3 months into a relationship should ever go down.

Today I was to be his rock. I was suppose to be his shoulder to cry on and I failed miserably. I was there physically, and I held his hand through every prayer and wiped tears as they fell, but emotionally I had checked out 24 hours ago. Jay received a call Sunday evening that brought him to his knees in shock. A dear friend of his lost his father to an automobile accident Friday night. While trying to hold it together in front of family and friends, as soon as we were alone, he broke. I knew the days to follow were going to be trying and he was going need me now more than ever before. I promised to be there, and I was, I just wish I could have been stronger. Last night was the viewing. I didn't know this particular friend and thought I would be able to handle this process, even though I had just went through it myself. Jay warned me that he was in the Airforce and it was probably going to be a military funeral. I really didn't think much of it, I was there to be his rock. As we walked into the funeral home here sat a casket draped in a flag and there I stood physically unable to take a step without Jay guiding my feet. It was beautiful, just like Travis'. An image I will never forget. I did the best I could and never broke, I kept it together and managed to do so for the rest of the evening. I knew from that second, the next day was going to be very hard. I couldn't help but watch this poor woman who had just lost her husband stand there and grieve. I know what she is going through, although Travis and I had not been happily married for 2 years let alone 30, at times like this all you think about are your children. The funeral was today, the minister gave this great message about how death is much like sleeping. He kept repeating the verse "Weeping shall come in the night, but joy will come in the morning". The chapel service was tolerable because I could not see the flag draped casket, the graveside service on the other hand was where my inability to be emotional strong come to play. I had checked out, long before now. I stood behind Jay as they retrieved the casket and the uniformed guest carried the shell of this great man to his final resting place. It was much to close to home for me to watch. I than stood there with tears rolling down my face as I watched the flag being folded and handed to this grieving widow and her children. I felt like I was reliving Travis' services all over again....I was ready to crumble to my feet. I am so sorry Jay, I could not be any stronger for you. I was suppose to be your rock....and once again you were mine, this time, without knowing.


Switching Gears...
Today, I also left my home away from home to head back to reality. I HAVE to get some work done in my classroom tomorrow. I have spent the last 7 days in sheer bliss with my happy little "family"! Yes, MY family. I can honestly say, I feel like I have my own little family once again. My son, the man of my dreams, and myself...along with God of course. Jay even made the comment Sunday night "I have you and God and the munchkin. My family." We are one happy little threesome! This week we got to spend time the three of us, the two of us, both in times of joy and in times of grief. Either way, we were together and that is what is most important to all of us.

We are now on day 31 of the Love Dare. I can't believe its been 31 days. It seems like we just started yesterday. The original Love Dare is only 40 days but we are doing the year long devotional. It has been amazing to us and throughout the past 31 days God has given us signs that this is it, this is real, that we were meant to find each other. We read each day together every day, whether we are together or apart. Each day we read  it seems as though God has a message, a sign. Jay says its the "program of our life". There has been so many things that have happened in our life that has been talked about in the first 30 days. It has been unbelievable. Tonight God gave us another sign....each days opens with a Bible verse. Tonight's verse..."tonight shall bring weeping, but joy will come in the morning"...

Thank you Lord for yet another sign to our testimony of true love, faith, and your work in our lives!