Tinsley Tiny Adventures

The Tinsley household has been on some wild, sporadic, adventures since the last post. I took a small giant leap of faith and have learned in the last 2 months to truly live by my motto of, Have a Little Faith.

There is nothing that will test your faith like moving to a very LARGE city, in comparison to all you've ever known; selling your beloved house, packing everything you own into a few cardboard boxes and hitting the road in a U haul to arrive at an 1100 sq. ft. apartment. On the third floor. With 2 dogs in tow. And a 5 year old, boy.

Faith, may not be the right word here. Patience is non-existent anymore. Bat S Crazy, is more like it.

On a daily basis I long for my beloved house, in my quite little neighborhood, in my quite little town.

But, I am grounded and humbled. 

You see that quite little neighborhood was 54 miles away from my husbands pride and joy job. He works hard, and he loves every moment of now being 5 minutes away. Not because the commute, well maybe a little because of the commute, but more because he is a dad. He is a real, hands on, good dad. He loves my little boy, and I love him for that. He puts in many hours every day. He is walking into his office long before the sun comes up and most of the time he is walking out of that office for the day long after the sun sets.

Being 54 miles away, working 12+ hour days, made it nearly impossible for him to be the hands on dad he is so good at. He missed school functions, family functions, and quality time. Time you can't get back. Now, he goes to every school function, hasn't missed a family function yet, and we get more quality time than any of us know how to deal with. That is worth the prayers for sanity at this point.

I have completed 1 1/2 years of nursing school, and have managed to still have a heartbeat and enough oxygen left in my body to tell about it. Barely. I'll save that for another post, it really needs its own show. I do, however, work for an awesome pediatric practice in this concrete jungle that makes me smile and fills my heart with joy. I am hopeful for what this may bring me after I learn to sign RN behind my name, Eeeekkkk!

My tiny human, is 5 now. I am not quite sure how that happened, or how he has started Kindergarten, but it's happened. And it happened fast. Gross. We have been discussing siblings, and he avoids all parts of those conversations. Along with despising the sibling talk, is that of the hatred for Kindergarten and all things school. Last year we loved school, this year, well if he could figure out a way to escape the building, I am pretty sure he'd do it. Daily.

"I'd rather not talk about it." -TJP

So there is that. A quick update on the Tinsley's and our adventures that are sure to provide many laughs, a few tears, and new memories in the new year. Cheers to 2014 and the blessing of another year.

2015 we are coming in hot, with a whole lotta faith.

Blessed is she who believed The Lord would fulfill His promises to her.-Luke 1:45

Starting nursing school has been a dream of mine for quite some time. I give all glory to God for placing me in this opportunity to live out this dream and I fully intend to use this as an opportunity to minister to the broken that I may came into contact with along the way.

At first, I was worried about being a mother, a wife, and trying to keep the bills current while I embarked on this adventure. After many prayers those nerves seem to have calmed, for now. Many more prayers will be said over these concerns for the next two years. And I welcome all prayer warriors to join in those prayers with much appreciation! 

My next worry was finding someone that was going through this just as I was. Someone that understood all that this was going to require. All the time, the energy, the lack of sleep, the gray hair and the shattered nerves we will have through this. Someone to study with, practice skills with, and someone that would be a lifelong friend and fellow nurse after this journey is complete.  Once again, after some prayer, God showed his faithfulness again! 

God always places people in your life just when you seem to need them the most. He just so happened to find someone much like myself that is tackling this new chapter with full determination and dedication, to place in my life. I am so very thankful for her and I pray that all of our hard work will not go unnoticed! That through this new chapter in our lives we not only accomplish our goals and graduate successful nurses but that we remain guiding lights for each other, always encouraging and supporting each other, and making the most of this time. 

I am so grateful in this moment. I feel very blessed. All of which I owe to God for His grace and love. Many thanks. 

#rn2015

A Poem for Student Nursing Moms!

Our home is seldom very clean
The meals are not as good
And we don’t take a bath,
As we ordinarily would.

The hamper is overflowing,
The ironing is seldom done,
And the socks that were neatly in the drawer,
Are practically down to none.

She was a model mother,
The house was shiny and bright,
She was so even-tempered,
And a perfect “guiding light”.

But all that now has changed,
Dust “neath the bed does pool”,
Where is that wonderful mother?
Why Mother goes to school!

She has no time for cleaning,
We kids must do our best,
We’re having eggs for dinner,
Cause Mom is having a test!

She got a terrible longing,
A nurse she wanted to be,
So she nagged our dad for tuition
And the poor guy had to agree!

So every morning she packs her books
And walks out of the door,
We’d like to try and stop her,
But we’re sticking to the floor!

We take our vitamins and drink our juice,
Cause it would be terribly cruel,
If we caught a cold and fever
And Mother couldn’t go to school!

So if you’re in the hospital,
And on your back you lie
If you happen to see a student nurse

Tell Mom we all said – Hi

Learning Lessons.

I remember thinking as a kid that I would get to a point in my life where I didn't have to "learn" anymore. That couldn't be further from the truth.

Life is full of lessons to be learned. Some very hard and others almost too easy. If you know me personally, follow my blog, or keep up with my Facebook you have probably picked up on the fact that life is just now slowing down for us. The last few years have been quite the roller coaster. There were so many lessons learned during those few years but none greater than lessons learned when I have opened my whole heart, closed my mouth, and opened my ears to what God has been trying to tell me.

I have made many decisions in my life, none of which I regret, all of which have taught me something very valuable.

Current life lesson. Moving on. Moving passed the hurt and pain of those who have tried desperately to tear me down the last few years. Moving passed all the "bad" that has happened in my life the last few years. While I still wear a smile and my heart is still bigger than Texas, I hurt on the inside and often from the actions of people who claimed to have "loved" me and walked away, on, or around me when I needed them the most.

That hurt all ends today. I gave it up. I left it all behind. I am moving on!

For the first time in 3 years I finally feel like my life is going in the direction that I wanted it to. I know that it was all part of God's plan, and that He knew what I was capable of handling. So now the time has come to give up what I cannot change. Have no regrets, for all of these circumstances have made me who I am today. Be grateful and gracious to those around me and love even my worst enemy as Christ loves me.

I am fulfilling my dreams now, now its about making my dreams come true and making the life for my family what I, along with God, want it to be! Here's to moving on and learning lessons!

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don'tmatter and those who matter don't mind!"- Dr. Seuss

Words.

There are many ways in which one can choose to interpret words. Words have many definitions and there are many feelings behind the ways in which they are used. 

Saying I love you, for example, can have many meanings. Love like Christ loves, love like you love your spouse or children,  love like you love your friends or enemies. Love like your favorite outfit, piece of art, or those new shoes still in the box! 

Like spoken words, written words are often even harder to interpret. You can't see the smile or tears that someone may be donning while writing these words. You can't hear the emotion behind what is being "said". 

I love to write. This blog is like a journal, only open to the public. A place I can try to put into words all the emotions, thoughts, and feelings that I am currently feeling. Sometimes I can portray those feelings perfectly and sometimes I may stumble to get out exactly what I am trying to "say". Nonetheless, it is written words. And written words have many meanings. How I feel about what I am writing may not be how the reader may understand it. Either way, I am the author, I am not perfect, and my words are feelings from within that only I can truly understand.

Often I am asked why I share the most private of my thoughts with the world. I feel like I have nothing to hide, and if nothing else there may be someone out there that can relate to the emotions and stories. Again, while one could possibly relate, they still may not know just why those words are written. I tend to be overly open, and very candid. Nothing staged or posed therefore leaving raw thought to be digested. And sometimes that raw thought, is not digested the way in which it was intended. But, that is the controversy with both spoken and written word. 

Many ways, many different ways words, like humans can be understood or misunderstood. 

"You must be strong"

Said the lady in line behind me at Wal-Mart. 

I can still hear my husbands chuckle when she followed that statement up by "you look so sweet, but you have to be strong." His reply, "she is very strong." I am quite sure his chuckles were more because she said I looked sweet. Who me? Of course!  

All of this banter coming from a conversation with Jake that started over her donning a pair of scrubs. This lady works at Terrell State Hospital. We began small talk in line about how I have a degree in psychology and now I am going to nursing school. And that I could be seeing her next semester or at some point in my studies to complete a clinical round there. She asked if I had any experience in psychiatric hospitals and when I told her that I did a clinical round at the maximum security psychiatric prison just outside Lubbock her jaw hit the ground.  Yes ma'am not only did I have to do a clinical round there but I had to counsel there, in the pediatric and adolescent wing. Yes, there was a children's wing in this facility. 

I would agree that one could think of someone able to complete such tasks would have a heart of stone, I however do not. I would also agree that semester of undergraduate studies showed me just what my heart was made of, mush. Between the rounds at the psychiatric prison and the rounds at the children's hospital I should have taken out stock in Kleenex. Lord knows I gave them a lot of my hard earned money those 6 months. 

I don't have a heart of stone. I am not strong. I am actually a cry baby who wears my feelings and emotions on my sleeves. A true sap, at its finest. I guess you could say I just have a knack for working with troubled and sick children. I always have. Does it hurt my heart of mush? Absolutely. Because not only do I have a heart of mush, I also have a heart for children in general. All children. I would own a house large enough to take in every orphan both domestic and international if the good Lord gave it to me. 

It always strikes me differently when I hear people say, "you must be strong", after hearing some of my stories. Some see it as strong, I just see it as having no other way. 

Truth is: I miss you, friends.

Friendships have been heavy on my heart since late last year.

I will be the first to admit that I sucked at them last year, and it was made clear to me through a great friend that I did. I cannot say I am sorry enough but I am trying with every fiber in my being to be the friend that I have always been.

What is heavy on my heart is that my attempts seem to fall on deaf ears. I have tried to let it go and move on but to no avail. You can't just let go of great friends like that, or at least I can't.

I read a Facebook post last week that said something along the lines of swallowing our pride and telling those friends that we love them and we miss them. Truth is, I do. I miss all my friends and I love them all dearly.

Some live so far away, some have grown in a different direction, and some are as wrapped up in life as I always seem to be. Either way I do miss them.

I always thought that when I got married and had children that I wouldn't necessarily be concerned with how many friends I had or how often I seen them or if we got together often. I knew there would come a point that we would all be wives and mothers and that getting together as often as we use to would not be as easy. Another truth, even when life is messy you still need your friends.

Girlfriends seem to know what to say, when to say it, and when you need them the most. Or at least all of mine always did. I have those kind of girlfriends that even after months of not talking we can usually pick up where we left off, problem is I haven't seen some of them in so long I forgot where we left off. No one to blame, everyone is just growing, and everyone is just busy. Another truth, I hate that life is so busy you can't just sit and visit with those you cherish, often. There is always somewhere to be or something to do. I hate the empty feeling after loosing touch with great friends.

I came across this today, and it hit close to my heart.

 

 

 

Truth is, I miss my very best friend.

 

Truth is, I am not the greatest friend.

 

Truth is, I still miss you, and I will always love you.

 

Another truth. I will continue to pray that God will restore friendships. That he will mend the broken hearted and that friendships will flourish again. I will pray for new friendships to continue to grow and never get stale. I will pray that those girlfriends of mine will come to know how much I love them and how much I miss them.

 

I miss you, friends.

Back on Track.

This morning, while at church, God really spoke to my heart.

I have been attempting to handle many battles on my own lately, and failing at best. I have morphed into the society around me and unintentionally walked a few steps away from Him. It is often times that we find ourselves running to Him only when we need his grace. Luckily He never strays and He is always consistent in our failures. This is not who I want to be. Several years ago I made the choice to give my life up to Christ and lately I feel like I have given my life up for everything but Him.

Today, God moved me. It is time to get back on track.

I have prayed for Him to make himself alive in me, to push me to be His hands and feet and for His light to shine so bright within me that all those who come to know me, know Him.

I pray that I develop more in His presence. That the light within is used to shine upon those that need to know there are greater things in the presence of the Lord. In this world you will face many challenges, all will test your faith, and the light of Christ within you.

Through God's grace, we can overcome these challenges and we can live in full joy. We must seek first to commit to the grace of God. We must speak and act in a way that humbles us, for we are honoring Him. We must also remember that we are often the only Bible some will ever see or hear.

I am honored to serve a God that is so forgiving. Who knows we will fall off the right track, we will stray away, but He remains the same.

It is time to get back on track. At a time when I need Him most, He is there, speaking into my heart and bringing me to my knees.

 I can't do this on my own.

I hope now you see.

...what this journey is all about.

I hope now you see that during the trials and tribulations of my child's sicknesses that I was in no way intentional in my distance from you. 

I hope now you see that I did need you, I did long for my friend during this time. However, I was too emotionally drained to call out to you. And my duty as his mother was more important to me than my duty to you as a friend. Not that this friendship doesn't me the world to me, but being a mother was also something I dreamed about, much like you. 

Above all, I hope now you see the joys, the heartbreak, the emotionally draining and nerve racking roller coaster that motherhood brings you. 

Something you dream of for so long, you have desires and plans; and in a moment those desires have turned to fears, those dreams change, and those plans are nothing like you have ever imagined. This is life with a "sick" child. This is life as a mom. 

While no two children are the same, no two stories are the same, and no two experiences can ever be compared. None greater or worse than the other in the eyes of a mother. The heart of a mother suffers far greater than those around her. 

I hope now you see how much I really did need you, but how much my baby needed me too...

I just hope now you see how much your friendship means to me, above all. I hope you enjoy this blessing of new life, even when it's hard. I hope you know that I will always understand how different life is now, for you and for our friendship. 

I hope now you see, I do love you. 

This new season.

I have come to realize that life never settles down. That it is filled with always changing seasons. When you start to settle, another season comes. This is a new season.

I am overwhelmed with emotions, physical and emotional exhaustion.

So much to be grateful for, blessed I am.

Yet, my heart hurts and my days are filled with worry, stress, and doubt. All things God tells us not to do. We are suppose to lean not on our own understanding but on Him. 

This new season is hard. Nothing I can't handle, and I have been dealt with a little worse, but this season is hard, nonetheless.

How could someone so strong, be so weak? How could someone that took care of so many, now need so many to care for her? How could someone who could run circles around most 4 year olds, now barely walk?

This new season is hard.

My sweet nanny is one of a kind. She has endured a life that most couldn't. She is the most humble, hard working person I know. She is a precious soul and she holds my heart in the palm of her hand.

She has become tired, she is weak, and her body is filled with an obstacle course of conditions that leave us praying for another day. We know in our hearts that we must put our faith first and we must not doubt our Gods plan, but this new season is hard. 

Simple tasks such as eating, sleeping, and just breathing; things most of us take for granted, have become a struggle. She is started to feel trapped in her own home and frustrated that she can't do anything for herself. With this frustration comes a great deal of pain. Pain in all of our hearts, the longing for our sweet nanny to be able to do all those things she once did. Including picking switches from the cedar trees to whip us with. 

Between the chemo treatments, the battle for more oxygen in her body, and the unforgiving pain; there are moments of laughter. Those moments to be cherished for the days ahead. Many memories have been shared and many talks have been had. None greater than this time with her. 

This new season is hard. 

I love you, nanny. With every fiber of my being. I pray for you daily. I pray for our family to get through this time. I pray for my mother, as the pain this causes her is undefinable. I pray for comfort and many more days with you. I just pray for you. 

This new season is hard.