Its been 2 years....

I think I may still be in shock. Is that possible after 2 years?

It doesn't seem like two years. It seems like yesterday.

I still get choked up. I still have nightmares. I still have awful days. I still miss you.

I still can't believe its been two years since your airplane wings became angel wings. Since you left us so sudden. So unexpected, so lost.

I worry. I worry about your struggle with God, as you and I talked about many times. I worry if you felt any pain, I hope not. I worry that you were scared. Did you know you were going to be taken in that moment? Were you crying, screaming, lashing out? Did you think about me? What about Jacob?

Our journey was rocky, hard, and had an awful end in sight. Except for that last night. That last call. That last time I heard your voice. I didn't know the journey would end like this, did you?

I wish I could just hear your voice. I wish I could see you play with Jacob one more time. I wish you were still here.

I still can't believe you're gone.

In the two years you have been gone, I have purchased a house for our child. I have moved on as you told me to do if this day should ever come. I have picked up the pieces the best way that I can and moved gracefully on with the new normal. With a new life. With a new hope. Are you proud?

You always said you were proud of the mother that I am. Mother's Day is coming and it's a holiday I don't really care for. Its the holiday you were taken from us. All I want for Mother's Day this year, is to know you are proud. To know that you still care. To feel you still here. To see you play with Jacob.

I know this is not all possible but I wish so desperately it could be.

Not for me, more for Jacob.

Fly High Travis. May your angel wings take you places that your airplane wings could not. May your journey be never ending and your smile light up the sky. You are deeply missed and still so greatly loved.