Acknowledged by Grace

The time has come....My Story.

Who are you to judge? God says we should not judge for He is the only perfect being and the only saving Grace.

Since Travis' accident I have had to deal with a plethora of hateful emails, text messages, facebook messages, etc. about what I am doing with my life now. I have erased and deleted these comments numerous times because I realize people are still hurting and don't know how to react in times like this. However, tonight it hit me just a little bit harder. As I sat there looking at pictures....

Travis was one hell of a man. He was a friend to the friendless and a man of honor. I have nothing but great things to say of his character and his love for others. However, he was not perfect and neither am I. Somehow now that he is gone I am the one getting all of the negative attention and he was the saint. Yet, no one really knows the story....and the sad thing is...they never really will. I will always be the evil, horrible, person that filed for divorce from a man that could do no wrong. No one knows about the sleepless nights I cried, begged and pleaded trying to get him to come home and be the husband and father I knew he was. What about him walking out when Jacob was 5 weeks old to chase his dreams while I raised our baby, alone? Or how about the fact that in 4 years we only lived together for 9 months. I couldn't live like that. I am sorry. I am sorry that I did not get married to live and function as a single mother. In the first 8 months of Jacob's life Travis only saw him 8 times after the first 5 weeks. Forgive me for wanting more out of a marriage than a part time husband and father. I loved Travis and I still do, he was my best friend and he gave me the worlds greatest gift, my son.

In the past 4 years I have gotten married, had a baby, filed for divorce, and buried my sons father. Do you know how hard it is to write your husband/son's father's obituary? Do you know how hard it is to put together music and a slide show of pictures to be played at the services honor your husband/son's father's life? Do you know how hard it is to write a description of the this man for a preacher to read at his funeral? Or a story for a friend to read aloud for you because your too weak to do it yourself? Do you have a clue what I have been through in the last 4 years and will continue to go through for many years to come? NO YOU DON'T! So don't judge where I am going until you know where I have been....

When you acknowledge my son's father also remember that he has a mother. You may not agree with the fact that I have moved on so quickly with my life but you also have no idea what its like as a mother to have to pick up the pieces of this life and provide for a child who will never know his father the way I do. Through the turmoil and chaos of Travis' death God opened a door for me and I walked right in. I am happy where that door has led me and who the door has led me too. I couldn't be happier for myself and my son to have such an incredible person in our lives and such amazing opportunities for our future. Your acknowledgment to me as Jacob's mother would be greatly appreciated whether you agree or not, I am his mother and I am doing the best I can.

I am acknowledged by grace....God given grace by faith.