I Have A Dream...

Today was, well, let me explain...

Jay was "off" work today so the three of us joined Lauren for lunch. Lauren is probably the one friend that has been through every step of college, marriage, baby, divorce, and death with me. She could tell you anything in the world there is to know about me and who I am. When I told her about Jay is was overcome with emotions and her reply was "Has Ashley found a REAL man?" She cried and laughed, having seen the tragedy of a life I lived for the last 4 years she was thrilled that I for once was happy and for all the right reasons. She was determined to meet Jay and that was the basis for our lunch today, that and the fact that I haven't seen her in months and she hasn't seen Jacob in some time. Of course she was mesmerized by Jacob and how much he has grown and how independent he has become. She absolutely fell in love with Jay and said he was great ...and pretty cute too! We shared some laughs and stories about old times and old friends, those poor people. Enjoyed our lunch and moved the conversation into the here and now. She is currently seeing someone that I said years ago she would end up marrying...and I was right! Now, I just have to wait patiently for that day to come. They just got back from a cruise to the Bahamas and I'm glad I wasn't the only one thinking she would come back engaged (she didn't though). She poked at Jay asking him if he was sure he could handle me and was he sure he was ready for this, pointing at me of course. Funny thing is...Nicki did the same thing when he met her...makes me sound like a very difficult person to live with. Okay I am but, I can't help it if I am OCD and expect my house to be in order at all times...I have calmed down quite abit since having Tasmanian devil child .

The conversation some how turned to what I was going to do in the future. Made me really realize something. Lauren said "Ashley, you've been living for someone else for so long, it's time and you deserve to live for yourself"...boy was she right!

After I graduated from LCU I chose to get my teaching certificate and start working immediately. I was already married and being told from doctors that if I ever wanted to have children I needed to do so quickly. I was the only one with a steady income and the only one even remotely close to being able to support our little family, dreams being put on hold. So I turned toward a career I never wanted to do and have never been fully satisfied doing. Don't get me wrong my job can be very rewarding at times but it's just not what ASHLEY wanted to be doing for the rest of her life. I wanted so bad to go to med school and do something in pediatrics, then realizing how bad I wanted a baby I decided to settle for a Master's degree in "pediatric" counseling. Well now, I have done neither. I really want to go back to school....and this time, I am going to go for my dreams.

My dream has always been to work at St. Jude's Hospital in Nashville, TN. After interning as a Child Life Specialist at Covenant Children's Hospital in Lubbock during undergrad, I realized what a passion I had to work with children who had cancer. The pediatric oncology floor was my heartbeat and I loved every hour spent with those precious kiddos! It was tough and I left the hospital in tears everyday, but it was also very fulfilling and very rewarding. I have decided to check into getting another Bachelors degree...this time a BSN with an emphasis in pediatric oncology. I am going to start by making some calls to some university advisers in the area to see how much time and what all I need before making any sudden moves. Then hopefully I will get the break I need and I can go back to school and achieve a long awaited dream...let the prayers begin full force.

I had told Jay a while back about the dream I had and how I always seemed to put it on hold for some reason other than myself. I had also told him that I had never even been to Nashville but was dying to go. He supported me immediately and wants nothing more than to see my dreams become reality. Really? My immediate response was.."well, I am not going to Nashville alone", without hesitation he simply said "There are golf courses all over this nation". Would he really be willing to make such a life altering decision with me, his dreams are in Colorado not Nashville? Is this what its like to be in love with someone that loves you and wants to see you succeed? Is this what its like to have someone besides your parents support you? This is what love and happiness is! This winter we plan to visit Nashville.....

Today was a realization of making dreams come true. I have always wanted to be a mother and I was blessed beyond belief with my beautiful baby boy, and hopefully one day there will be more?! I wanted to graduate college and I did that too. I dreamed of the fairy tale of happily ever after...and finally, after some serious heartaches, mistakes, and a horrible tragedy that is no longer a dream but a reality I live everyday. Now..the dream of working at St. Jude's is the next dream to become reality....

I have a dream.....watch me chase it with a heart full of love and a system full of support.