I sometimes feel like I don't know enough. And curiousity is killing this cat!
I mean I tell Jay everything, he knows obviously what I have and haven't done, afterall I do have a baby, I have been married, etc.
But, I don't know that I know about his. Am I really the one girl he has always dreamed about? Do guys dream about that? Are some of the same songs that remind him of me, the same songs that reminded him of someone else at one point? If so, I don't want to know, I mean I do but I don't. Did we move to fast? Is he scared but afriad to tell me? Is there a girl out there that "rocked" his world and he will never forget? What was his last relationship like? Obviously mine sucked, but he is really physically gone now and will never be an issue. Does he have feelings way down deep in his heart of hearts for someone still that he could be holding on to? What has he really been through in the relationship journey of his life?! Is there another girl that has a piece of his heart that I can/never will be able to replace?
Holy Cow..Ashley...Breathe!
Is it wierd that I am up at 3am FREAKING OUT about this? I mean he does live in my house, he does take care of me and my child, he does tell me he loves me.....what is wrong with me? Why am I having this complete and total breakdown all of a sudden? I seriously want to go wake him up like I have just had a bad dream and ask him all the questions....
Am I too much? Did I push? Did I make a wrong move somewhere? Did I make it too easy in the beginning an its not the same now? Is it still what he thought it was going to be?
What is wrong with me? I need to pray....
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