My baby boy is my whole world, and all I had for what seemed like the first year of his life. We share a bond that no one could ever come between. He is the reason that I am the motivated woman I am today. I could not imagine nor do I want to even think about what my life would be like if he were not here. I would have no reason to wake up everyday. I would be a lost broken soul floating on this earth without the one thing that no one could ever take from me, no one but God.
As I lay on the couch beside him tonight, getting him to sleep, I found myself crumble into tears. Immediately I picked him up hugged him tight and told him I was sorry for not being a better mommy and that I loved him more than he will ever know.
Lately, I find myself irritated very easily becuase the stress of work and trying to find something in that degree that really makes me happy. I know he feels like I am taking it out on him, and I truly do not mean for it to be that way. I know I am suppose to teach him right from wrong and discipline him when needed, but I couldn't help but think about the times I corrected him today and would that be how I would want him to remember me. I know that seems crazy, but life is so short and can change with every second.
In a way I am scared, I can't handle loosing anyone else right now. I have gone to more funerals and written more obituaries than I care to write for the rest of my life. Time to make some changes, time to focus on my family, and not on what is stressing me out beyond belief. I have given my all to that for far too long, letting go is the only way to go.
My Jake-
I love you so very much! You are the reason mommy breathes everyday! You make mommy so very proud and beyond happy! You are the greatest thing to ever happen to mommy! I love you!!
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