Genesis 2:24

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh" Genesis 2:24

Something is burning me from the inside out, something I try not to let bother me but I am weak. I can not help but think about it and it is tearing me apart from the inside out.

I believe when a man chooses his potential wife, they, being the TWO of them, should plan their lives, traditions, etc. TOGETHER. Every thing from daily routines to the not-so-daily routines should be decided together, the two of them. More importantly the way they wish to united themselves together as on in marriage, and how they choose to raise their children, should be how they want.

This is a very easy thing for me. I do what I want and my family understands that, maybe because I have always been like that. I don't mean to sound like "it's my way or the highway" or "its all about me/my family", but I feel you get to a certain age or point in your life where it is all about you and how you want your life to go. Especially when you are bound to someone in marriage (or engagement). If I always did what my parents/family/friends wanted me to do, I would never have grown on my own or made my life what I wanted it to be.

I have made mistakes that have led me down paths that I wish to never go down again. I have dealt with and continue to deal with people I wish I didn't have to, and I have lived a full life for a 26 year old. Maybe this is why I am very head strong about some things in my life. Especially the rules of marriage/family.

I love Jay with my whole heart, and I always will. I will soon, very soon be his wife. But I will marry him. NOT his family and together we will do everything. Everything Together. Together as husband and wife. Together as a family with our children. Together period. Never is it okay for a husband and wife to be apart in my eyes, especially when the situation can be avoided.

There is a recurring problem with this from Jay's mother and sister and it really hurts my feelings. Every time they want him to do something they make sure to mention that he can just come alone. Why do they think that is ok? It.is.not.  Is it a slap in my face, an we don't really care if Ashley and Jake are there or not?  Quite frankly, it's already old. I am trying really hard not to let it bother becuase it's petty but it does bother me in a big way because I don't know how to take it. It's almost like saying "Jay we really want to see you and talk about Ashley so don't bring her and that unruly kid that is not yours and not part of this family"....okay, so that may be the extreme, but sometimes thats exactly how it feels. And sometimes I feel like maybe Jay hides what all is really being said from them so that he doesn't have to hear it from me, which really makes me not want to be around these people and that is not fair. Not fair to my soon to be husband, not fair to me, not fair to Jake, and not fair to my marriage. It sucks. Period. (Trying hard to pick my battles here, my battles are winning!)

This isn't the only issue. Our wedding, which is not happening, has also been a fight. I don't understand why people think that weddins are family reunions? I don't want everyone and their dog to get together for the first time in years and it be all about getting the family together. It is mine and Jays day, no one elses. I just love how people like to tell us how we should do things and what we should do but no one is offering to pay for it. This too is unfair. I really wanted Jay to expierence the "wedding". I feel guilty because I have done this before. However, now, will all the added drama, stress, people, I don't want a wedding at all. I just want to run to the JP call it good and run away to some remote island and tell everyone....well what I really want to tell everyone wouldn't be appropriate and I am trying to be nice. THIS IS OUR DAY, OUR LIFE TOGETHER, HOW WE CHOOSE TO UNITE IN MARRIAGE SHOULD BE THE WAY THAT WE WANT IT TO BE REGARDLESS. THE END RESULT IS STILL THE SAME.

I don't want to seem like the nagging, I hate your family already, it's my way or no way wife, but my family doesn't do this. My mother will be the first to tell you that if all 3 of us can't come to dinner she would rather none of us come. And if there is anyone that wants to see thier child happy and get married its my parents, trust me, after all I have been through it would be the greatest thing on Earth for them. However, they realize that its not up to them and they don't push anything on us or give us these guilt trips about how we aren't doing it their way. My parents just want to see us happy and living the life that WE choose.



Maybe I need to pray more about this before saying any vows. Maybe I need to look beyond some of this, but then maybe others need to understand. Lord, please advise.......