Communication is Key.

"Mama always said communication was the key to a happy, functioning, marriage!"

And boy, was mama right?!

This week in premarital counseling the topic was, communication. How do you communicate, better yet, how do you fight? Where do you fight? How to you resolve the issue? Where do you go from here? Now, how could you fix it, start the conversation over, etc.?

I have to honestly say that this topic is not really an issue in our house. Jay and I talk about everything. We don't ever fight and rarely have disagreements. I am just the moody one and get edgy, often. Imagine that?!

Our lines of communication are always open, even if the topic of discussion is less than desirable. Everything is always out on the table in our house. No matter what. We always seem to find the common ground or the mutual understanding for any discussion that takes place and at the end of the day, we still love and laugh like nothing was ever discussed.

Stan, our counseling/CG group leader/hero without a cape, etc., gave us some really great ideas last night and I really want to make sure that we try them:

1. Never "fight" in your bedroom. That is a place for intimacy, vulnerability, etc. And to fight in this room takes away from that level of passion that your bedroom should carry. Great Idea, because afterall, who wants to take away from that?! If you should fight in there for any reason, never leave the room without praying together first. AWESOME IDEA!
2. Never "fight" in or near the childrens rooms (well, child for now). That is thier place. Thier secure, peaceful place of play, worship, whatever their child like mind dreams up. Do not distrub that peace. And who would want to fight in thier childrens rooms?! The mere thought of that brings me to tears.
3. Guard other places in your home that are special and off limits-this is going to be hard for us. All of the rooms in our house are special. The livingroom is where we gather to play games, watch movies, read stories, tell stories, create memories. The kitchen/dinning room is where we gather to eat family dinners, laugh about our day, eat, pray, etc. The playroon, Jake's room, guest room (future childs room), are off limits for obvious reasons. So, that leaves the garage (it smells and is cold, no thanks), the laundry room (Scooters (the dog) room), and a few closets. Where do you "fight"?
4. Guard the open lines of communication-for obvious reasons.

One of the things discovered, well I have always known, or made more apparent is the fact that I loathe the idea of being suprised by miscommunication. I crave, want, need to know every detail. I am the planner of this realtionship and to throw me a curve ball sometimes really ruffles my feathers. I contribute this frenzy to my past bout with miscommunication and how it destroyed my relationship. Which brings me to the next item up for discussion....

Let.it.go!

I have a guarded heart. A severly guarded heart. I tend to push back on a lot of things because of the "past". And yes, the past has a name, his name is Travis. As Stan pointed out, and as my mind and heart have known, mine and Jays relationship has been extremly different from "go".  Nothing has ever been the same and nothing ever will be the same as the past. These are two completely different relationships driven by completely different people. I must let go of the past and move on with the heart and mindset that it is different. It is not the same. Those things will not happen this time. Even though I believe it's human nature to think the worst after the worst has been done. It doesn't matter. Let.it.go.


My prayer for us this week in our journey closer to marriage is always keep those open lines of communication between the two of us, practice good habits, and for myself to let go of the pain and hurt of the past as it is not the future.

Here's to week 3 and the insight it brings!