It's not just a piece of paper....

Yesterday, I spent part of my day at home with a sickly little boy. How bad does it hurt your heart when your baby is hurting and there is simply nothing you can do to take the pain away? It kills me. There are several tears shed when my baby is not well, by me of course.    I.am.that.mother.

My afternoon however, was spent in a much different way. A way that filled my heart with joy, and the overwhelming emotions that Jacob and I have been truly been blessed. Almost 2 years ago our whole life was flipped upside down and our world was turned around. Now, our world is a much brighter and greater place than it has ever been.

We went to the court house, and for the first time, I could step into that court house with a smile on my face and not worry about the outcome of the situation, because this is one situation that will have a very happy ending. I have been in this court house so much the people there know me by name. Not because I am a criminal, but because I had to fight for a little boy that makes my whole world spin and fight to get the best for him in a very unfair situation. My little boy, my own miracle baby. But that was not what this day was about. Thank God.

We went to the court house to pick up a very special piece of paper. A piece of paper that changes many aspects of our life, and makes my heart skip a beat.

As we stood there, hand in hand, at that counter, giving the county clerk all of our information, I couldn't help but notice the small tear that ran down my check and landed right on my heart. A tear of pure, honest, happiness. Something I thought I would never find again. Love, something I thought I would never be able to do again without guard.

Now I stand here with this man who not only loves me more than life itself but loves my little boy as if he were his own, how did I get so lucky? One of the biggest fears that I had after Travis passed, was finding love again. Not just love for me, but love for my son. I was not only dating for me, I had to date for my little boy. I had to date with the intention that this man could be the one helping me raise my little boy. That is a very hard decision for a single, widowed, gone through it all, mother. I came into this relationship with a lot of baggage. A lot of reservation, a brick wall around my heart, unstableness, brokenness, hurt, pain, and the inability to look at life the same way ever again.

Not only was I broken, but I had the baggage of a very broken family that hates me. I mean literatly hates the very being of my existence. Hates me for something I will always feel they controled. Hates me for me, for the fact that I was married to their child and was left with the only thing that really matters, and that they cannot take away, our son.  As I fought the unfair battle and continue to deal with this family that hates me more than I think a human can hate another being, he stands beside me. Not in front of, or behind me. He encourages me to battle through my pain with this each day, a task that he definitely did not have to take on, but does it with compassion.

He is a man that is dedicated to walk with Christ and be the rock of our family and it has proven to be the most amazing thing I have ever witnessed. It is very humbling for a woman to witness the man she walks hand in hand with and the man that will help her raise her children, humble himself before God.

That piece of paper is not just a peice of paper. It is a symbol of love, dedication, unity, happiness, trust, faithfulness, marriage.