This Is It...

Today was a rough, rough day.

The last month I have been mentally preparing myself for this day. The day that my baby brother would prove to be a grown man. He would join the "real" world and make me so proud to be his sister. As many know, Travis and Jeff were close, Travis was the closest thing that Jeff ever had to a brother. Travis loved to tell stories of his time serving in the military and before you knew it Jeff was hooked! He had it in his mind that he was joining, and no one could stop him. Travis had talked Jeff out of joining the Marines with him and told him to go Army Strong! So Jeff went Army Strong!

Today Jeff officially became property of the U.S. Army. I proudly stood there with tears running down my face as I watched my brother swear in and become apart of something only 1% of our population has the courage to join. I have never been so proud and so sad at the same time. Here stood this 6'3" little fella that I use to share my bed with because he was scared to sleep in his own room, I use to dress up in my cheerleading uniforms and make him walk around the house, he threatened to shoot me and put me in the dryer and watch me spin round and round, and then when I left for college he had to sleep on the couch because he missed me so! For the first time ever he would leave his family behind for a long period of time with minimal communication or visitation. I watched as he boarded the bus and took a seat ready to embark on his new journey. That was gut wrenching. The last time I watched someone board a bus like this was when Travis got on the very same bus headed out for Iraq. I hate those buses with such passion.....there he goes, for 9 weeks and I will miss him so very much.

As if watching Jeff leave today was not hard enough, the mailbox held another gut wrenching package for me. Yesterday I received the police and witness reports from Travis' accident and today I received the medical examiners report. I am still in shock. I just can not figure out what happened in those few short minutes, what could have gone so wrong, and how did he end up in such awful shape? I wish I knew what happened, and I know the investigators are working very very hard at getting this information put together and give the best report of their findings and probable cause, but I really wish I could just ask Travis; "What happened?" I have prayed from day one that he was asleep, or knocked out, just that he was unconcious in some capacity because I didn't want him to be scared. Travis was never really scared of anything in life, but the one time I did see him scared I will never forget that face and I would hate to know that was the last face he made. I want to believe he just fell asleep with that big cheesy grin on his face so bad. I have prayed that he did not suffer or hurt in any way, and after reading these reports I pray harder now that he was taken before he hit the ground! I have worried about Travis and I have prayed that he prayed before he left us. Travis had a rough time with the passing of his best friend Jacob and found it difficult to muster up a strong relationship with God before. I just pray that changed before he left this life...I know it did. I just hope that he is okay now.

I needed my rock today, and he was there. He always has such wonderful things to lift my spirit and remind me that he is there and will always be there. He checked on me all day knowing that I was tore up inside watching as my brother took off to build his new life away from home not knowing what the future will hold for him. He reminded me that Travis is with Jeff everyday now and will keep him safe and guide him through the life of a man in the military. When he found out that I got the reports today he was there waiting for me to call him to lean on him; and that is exactly what I did. I am so grateful that we have quickly built that bond, that we both run to each other when we have days like today. I cherish that. I love that I can run to him and he will take care of me, emotionally, instead of me having to run to my mother. Don't get me wrong my mother is my best friend and I know I can always run to her no matter what, but I strongly believe that the relationship that Jay and I have is really going somewhere and going there quick. I love it! My heart races and my head spins and the fact that I can run to him when my day is less than amazing is something I value greatly. I will need him, but really it's more that I want him, in the near future more than ever as I embark on a journey to provide my son with a life that children dream about! We are determined to do this together and I can't wait! Sit back and watch...This is IT