Flying Away...

There are times in our lives when we wish we could just fly away, or slightly disappear until the storm passes. I am glad that I learned to dance in the rain instead of waiting on these storms to pass.

This past weekend I was definitely flying; on cloud 9. I was reminded yet again of God's blessing in my life. I was blessed with a beautiful baby boy who never ceases to amaze me but God blessed me again with a beautiful man. He is absolutely stunning inside and out. This past weekend Jacob went to visit the Perkins', and while I was extremely sad that he was gone and missed him horribly, I was excited to spend that quality time with Jay. We spent the weekend sleeping in, watching movies, eating to the point of pure misery, more sleeping, seeing friends, watching fireworks, and enjoying our quality time together.

After Travis and I split up and then I filed for divorce, I turned to my best friend Nicki. Her and her husband have a relationship not only together but with God that I adore. I talked with her, prayed with her, and went to  her for advice along the journey. I had watched the movie Fireproof once before and then I talked to Nicki about it. I made a vow to myself that I would not be in a serious relationship or get re-married again without watching Fireproof and doing the "Love Dare" challenge with that person first. A while back Jay and I were in Barnes and Noble looking for books when I came across the Love Dare book. I told him all about it and he was on board, made my heart skip a beat honestly. This past weekend we watched "Fireproof", let me tell you, it hits home a little too close. I have been there, seen it, lived it, and divorced it. It was definitely a tear jerker, as we watched I cried. Jay comforted me and wiped tears from my eyes. He is incredible. When it was over we were both left questioning our own faith and we were set to do the Love Dare. In the movie the Love Dare is only a 40 devotional for couples and its a challenge for couples who are struggling. I see as more of a building block for a perfect, Fireproof relationship. At Barnes and Nobel they had the 40 day book but they also had one that was for a year. We decided to do the year long devotional and we started with day one yesterday. I am excited, like a kid in a candy store, to see what amazing journey God takes our relationship on through this ...Love Dare.

This weekend also brought us closer together in another aspect. Jay has been here with me pretty much through the beginning of the loss of Travis. He has read those horrible reports and he knows what I have been through. He has been my rock through it all. Saturday night I woke up with a very sick feeling in my stomach left from a nightmare I had about Travis. I saw the plane crash, as if I was standing right there when it happened. I saw all the injuries that were laid out in the autopsy report and it left me with an image only a nightmare can bring. I didn't wake Jay up but I laid there the rest of the night staring at the ceiling and tossing and turning with a feeling in my stomach like I could get sick at any moment. Later on Sunday I told him about it and he was a bit upset that I didn't wake him up and told me to never do that again. Sunday night when I tried to sleep I couldn't. I could not get the image out of my head. I had a horrible meltdown right in Jays arms and thank God he was there, the image I have in my head is haunting. I knew that July 4th would bring on some emotions just because Travis served our country with great pride and was a very honorable Marine, I never would have imagined it would make me have nightmares and leave with an image that would leave me grieving all over again. I don't grieve because I lost my "husband" he was no longer considered my husband and was simply my best friend I chose to have a baby with, I grieve because my son will grow up never really getting the chance to know his father like we all did. Thank God for Jay and his amazing strength, comforting words, understanding, and willingness to always be mine and Jacob's rock through the good and bad...this is going to be a long journey.

This evening brings out some more of this emotional roller coaster I will live on for a long time. It just hit me that this day 4 years ago I was packing a sea bag and shipping Travis off for Iraq not knowing that before he got on that bus he would ask me a question that would change my life forever....tomorrow will be a hard day.

But today is the day the Lord has made and I will rejoice in it, because it is for today that I shall live and be grateful for the many blessings that are now making my life what God intended for it to be. Happy, faith driven, full of love and laughter...